murda mack

love love.
its been like, a month and i havent checked this blog and clearly no one else has either. whats goin on with you darlin you live with too many boys? i feel like i havent talked to you in ages. and i know what you mean about not being able to be by yourself. that is why, if i ever meet a guy that i can stand more than two seconds, i will be terrified to move in with him for that very reason.

speaking of roommates, cimin and i are interviewing people to move in as i write this. did i mention that to you all? that collin is moving out? oh yeah. well , he is. we had a meeting with the financial advisor on monday, oh yes, my dad, aunt , collin and i . which was interesting to the T> of course, he told me again that i am drowing blah blah blah, but i finally understand it in the constructive critisism sort of way, coming from just a number basis, looking at my finances, from someone who truly cares about me and my family. but im stubborn, and maybe a little too independent for my own good, and i basically told them all to go to hell.. and then made everyone cry. literally. at the end, he was like, do you have anythig nto say, because i was staring at the floor the whole time, because we all know what a big cry baby i am, and i said no, and then colly took my hand and squeezed it, and told me i have to get it out...

so i preceded to say to , eh hem, no one in particular, that NO ONE IS HELPING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and never has, and that i have always supported myself, along with raising a child that was suppose to be a sibling, and since i was doing everything myself since i was 15, how does anyone have the right to tell me what to do..... yada yada yada ,and then i told them all abotu my dream about my grandfather..

did i mention that to you guys? well, since all this financial stuff has been going on and all of the money problems i have been uber stressed out and worried about life, and the other night, i had a dream. and it was not not not a dream. my grandfather came to me, and was holding my hand and hugging me, and tlaking to me, and he told me that i was just like him and that he knew that i was always trying to take care of everyone and that i had to just take care of myself for once, and that i could do it. he took my hand and he hugged me and he said that he believed in me, and that i should do what my heart tells me to do. i am bawling right now writing this even, becuase i KNOW that it was him. i could touch him, smell him feel him. i know it wasnt a dream, that he was there. that he came to me when i needed him and he told me to be strong and that could do it. i have never in my life felt like that before, or had a dream even close to htat. and i told them all, and they all started bawling , even john. because he was my grandfathers right hand man, his confidant, and when he was on his death bed he wrote a letter to sue, jim, and big john. about what he wanted from them, and told john to take care of his family. tear. i never knew that! so after all of htis, and a lot of kleenex... he turned to all of us, and he said. "Amber is staying in the city. we are doing everything we can to help her, adn to make sure that she does it. shes staying. we will meet and reconvene in january and talk abaout it again. " YEAHHH!!! adn then we all went out to lunch and talked about wierd dreams and family and laughed and cried some more. i heart him now.

so anyway, colly is moving back home because sue will not support him anymore, and i am staying, and we are interviewing roommates to live here. i get to steal his room though. ha ha . iam so close to reaching my goal for breast cancer i cannot wait. doodles, thank you so much baby girl. i heart you. and fizzle, if you ever read this again, tell your momma bear that i love her and relaly really appreciate it too. whats going on in all of your lives!!!????????? i never get to ttalk to anyone anymore.

i am waiting to hear abck about a job at a company called "its just lunch--dating for professionals" maybe you all have heard about it? its nation wide. hahaha i would bea dating coordinator. i had an interview last week, and met with 3 differnet people and shadowed a girl in the office, so i think it went well. i sent a thank you letter, and claled last week and left message and then called again today and left another, just to let them know i really really want it!!!! they specified in teh end that follow up was really important, so, eh hem, keep your fingers crossed!!

also, i had my first make out sesh !!! hahahhaah, it was with this boy named jason, aka, jay, that i kinda had a crush on that i saw at this club that was at with cimin and her brother in law the other day. ive never done anything like that before!!!! ahhahah god im so behind in the world. it was totally NOT me and totally pda, and totally hilrious adn we shut down the club at 5am!!! hahahhaha. i called erin the next day and she was like, ITS ABOUT TIME!! im so proud of yoU!!! hahahahha. advice from teh little sis... ps. we all discussed erins mysterious exuberant income at the family meeting and we alld ecidd that she should just give up the mystery, and open a business called "erins escorts" and that we would all be in on it, and that john could do the books. HILARIOUS>

anyhooza... i gotta get my fat booty to the gym and use this gosh darn membership that i cant get out of. damn contracts. LOVE OU ALL SO MUCH

xoxoxooxx
me